Yeah

this late at night, when i took sleeping pills but still am awake, truthfully all i can feel is this tremendous fear that my whole life is just a mess, and i'm living in denial of the truth about myself.. i feel like i'm searching all over for what i am through a lens inside and outside of me at the same time. Like someone's going to drop the bomb at any time and i'll see that i am truly something horrific and weak and pathetic...

is that self esteem? I don't know, people with too much often don't see their own mistakes well enough to fix them.

i think maybe i'm just afraid from all of this rejection that people see something i don't. i know i feel weak sometimes at jobs.. maybe its my looks.. i don't know anymore

i just wish i was tired