Life Sucks

The people who have had it harder from the beginning are so fucked up by it they fuck up the rest of their lives no matter what they do. Fuck this. I can't stand it.

I'm super depressed tonight. I applied for a few jobs today but it can't help the nagging feeling that I'm somehow broken or flawed. I feel like there's nowhere I can fit in or be welcome. That somehow I belong somewhere as messed up as I am, and only a disfunctional job that treats me like shit can find it in their hearts to have me.

I just took two sleeping pills and pray they kick in soon. I can't bear to be conscious.