Update

My grandpa was released from the hospital yesterday. The doctors told us he will make it, but his throat collapsed. He will have to eat through a tube for the rest of his life, and for a while, maybe longer, he cannot talk. But he made it.

I miss him, and wish i could go see him, but I doubt he's in any shape for me to bother him anyway. I think I might email my mom a letter to read to him when she visits.

I have four job ads I need to apply to. I'm typing a word here or there on them now, but it's hard to get the motivation going.. I *will* do it.

I made some insanely good turkey chili the other day. I halved that recipe, threw in some parsley and no beans (jarrod hates beans.. what a waste, they are tasty and protein-liscious), and used a can of diced tomatoes in juice instead of the fresh romas (I had none handy). It was damn good. I love when I get creative and change recipes. For some reason I find it very gratifying. I hope my brother in law sends out my spice rack soon.. My next thing I'm working on finding on shopgoodwill or in a real goodwill store is a shoe rack that lays on the ground of my closet so I can organize in there. Wow! I'm fascinating! I actually am talking about a SHOE RACK in my fucking blog.. my god, I need a life...

I'm working on two grants for Fernando right now. I got a bunch of it done yesterday.

I'm still reading up on Echrai's blog. She's pretty interesting, and a much more dedicated blogger than I am. She mentioned she was jealous of how much I knew about my family, but to be honest, I seem to be the only one in my family who cares. I bug the heck out of everything I know to get details, and the details I get are almost always useless. Instead, I've spent the better part of the last four years of my free time reading census records and doing random searches to try to find out information. It was mostly just to get over the anxiety of getting really ill in law school. Eventually, that much work pays off.. In addition, I had the forethought to steal from my mother.

See... My mom hates her past and throws it all away when she can. When my grandfather moved into the home, i helped clean out the house for sale. Everything she threw in the garbage I went though. I found paperwork, letters, etc. Even my grandma's wedding dress ended up in the trash. I took it all and stuffed it under the seats of the car, with the few things my mom kept, and smuggled them home. I hid it all in the top of my closet until years later.. when mom finally relaxed a little. She was shocked to find I had her mother's wedding dress (and still do). She wasn't upset with me, just could not figure out how I hid it from her all those years.

I had the fantasy once of wearing it at my own wedding. My grandmother was much smaller than me, and the dress would have to be altered.. the dream finally fell apart when I was getting married in August in Vegas... and the dress was satin, and made for a december wedding. Ah.. c'est la vie.. I still have it, it's still glamorous.. and I don't care what mom thinks, I still love it.

Anyway, what I was getting at was I have all this paperwork with details about my grandparents.. schools they attended, jobs they worked at, etc. Now I know details no one else knows. Not like anyone cares.. but it's important.. these things get lost in time. It's part of who they were.. and even though they weren't saints or anything.. doesn't everyone deserve to be remembered by their own family?

One day i'll do a book about it. soon as I can figure out how to write it...