Well, I resolved things with my sister and with the coworker (today I kicked butt) but not with my boss.

Called Dawn after things cooled down.. on the way into work today we talked about it and she admitted that I made her feel criticized and like a bad caretaker when I insisted on taking the fish. She felt like I was telling her she was a bad mom, which is untrue. I never really thought that at all, all I wanted to do was save the geramie from what I was TOLD BY HER was a intentional murder. She said though that she was joking (both my dad and I didn't get that she was joking - as she said it to him too, but looking back it's possible). ANyway, she apologized for lashing out at me, she was angry at hurt and didn't mean to say anything hurtful on purpose.


Then I got to work, and F was nowhere to be found, but there I was with three coworkers and one of them wouldn't even say hello. I asked her into an office and we sat down and closed the door. At first she seemed angry, but when I said what she had done to me to make me mad, she suddenly relaxed and looked apologetic. As if I had said the magic words, she apologized and seemed to get why we were butting heads. Of course, I already knew why we were but it was a relief to see her understand and be forgiving and actually believe what I had to say. We left the room laughing and the rest of the day was pleasant and tension free. I could cry, it was so nice.

So that leaves F - who once again didn't talk to our funder about the budget (which I need to do my job) or the predicament we are in. He promised me he would Wednesday morning, but it's friday and he still hasn't. I am NOT happy about this, he made me commit to this opportunity and forego other possible ones, and now he's wussing out. So I talked to him later and told him he was making me into a nag (I didn't say this with a laugh). He said that that's my job, to make sure he does what he needs to. I was quiet at this point, I'm not sure I want "Nag" as my official title.

He made a gesture today, made sure the girl doing the mailbox labels put mine first. I am so embarrassed to admit it truly did make me feel good. But it doesn't make these problems go away.

Dawn wants to know if I'm still going to study with stan. I'm so ashamed at my poor studying and not doing what he told me to, and he hasn't emailed or called me back, so what do I say? I thought it was a godsend and really I'm in a mire about how to handle it - do I stay in LA and work with Fernando as a slavedriver, or go home to NY and work with slackerboy as a scholarly supervisor? Could Stan even understand my problems? Is F talented enough (with 7 tries on the bar) to teach someone else how to pass it?

I need to go home now. I'm cranky.