What a weekend! Jarrod and I went to Lake Arrowhead. It was beautiful up there.

We brought Meadow in for her vet appointment in the afternoon on saturday. The vet said she was perfectly ok, so we were ready to go! We brought her home, grabbed our little suitcase, and hopped in the car. We drove through miles of ugly rocky mining land until finally we got to route 18, or as it is known, the Rim of the World highway over Waterman Canyon. The road was windy and scary, and we tried to stay out of the lane closest to the edge. The Arrowhead area had recently been devastated by fires, but it was still gorgeous.

As we got to the top-ish of the mountain, route 18 had been closed in a part due to flooding and they routed us through a little town called Crestline, near Lake Gregory. And that was it, we were lost for over an hour, driving down windy mountain snowy roads past wooden cabins hanging off of cliffs on each end. It was terrifying at parts but still fun.

Finally Jarrod started getting frustrated and I made him stop at a wooden family restaurant called Billie Bear Family Restaurant. There we ate some food and bought some damn good cookies for the ride, and asked for directions. They were really simple to follow and we found Lake Arrowhead with no problem.

There we got a reasonably priced room in the resort with a lake view. We went to go see "Along Came Polly" in a little town called Blue Jay. Everyone at the movie theatre knew each other! The movie was very funny.

We went home and got some rest. In the morning we ate breakfast at a delicious little place called the Belgian Wafflery in the Lake Arrowhead Village. We bought duckie food pellets for a well-spent 50 cents and fed ducks and American Common Coots on the lake. Pictures of this escapade can be found at my husband's site. Afterwards we went shopping and antiqueing and finally headed back to the resort for a well-earned massage at the spa.

We drove home without incident, and now I'm back to my ordinary life. My job starts on the 16th and I'm not taking the bar, so now I'm trying to get my life in order. I went to the doctor on Friday and he wanted me to take a 6-hour blood test today. I blew it off. I'm not happy I blew it off because I don't like that behavior in myself, but I'm glad I decided not to do it. I'm tired of being tortured by health professionals and having to pay for it, too. All this would have done was proven again I'm diabetic. I *know* that. I feel like I'm being used by everyone instead of helped.

He put me on Strattera as well, supposedly because I may be ADD. All because I'm disorganized and restless and unable to focus. I'm not sure I'm ADD, I might just be burnt out. How can anyone tell the difference? It has been for a while though.

Got into a fight with my mom. She is mad I didn't get the blood test done and insists I'm depressed about my dad being a jerk last year. I'm NOT depressed. I went away with my husband this weekend and had a laughing, joyful, wonderful time. And if she blames one more thing on my dad, I'm going to explode. HE can be a jerk and I know he's done bad things, but I don't think about him a lot. At least not negatively.

*If* there is something wrong, it's because I lost faith in myself and all reason to keep on trying. You don't live a life for years and years of motivation and effort and delayed gratification and suddenly realize none of it was worth it without some sort of a backlash. It has nothing to do with him or her or anyone.. it's me. Being aware that I am unhappy with where my life is and feeling trapped.. I can't go forward with it until I pass the bar, otherwise it would be acknowledging that all these years were wasted time and money. I can't accept that. I need to get past this obstacle and move on to the next thing, walking away with the one thing I want from all of this, the ability to say I'm a lawyer.

But yet I don't have the motivation anymore to get that. My drive is gone. All I want to do is lay on the couch with my puffy cat and watch judging amy and let her save the world for me....