I don't know why, but I can't sleep. I have this new job and I'm really happy about it. It's only a fellowship but it makes me feel wonderful inside to go to work and do something productive. It's from 10-3, and I would be coming in early or staying late for mediations. I already think I know how to do the job, although I'm still in training tomorrow. Leslie has some cases for me to jump right into, which is ok, but I'd love to hear someone experienced do an intake first to see the major differences between the DMC and CCR.

Being at school.. is nice. Its grounding, it gives you a reality to come back to. I've noticed that the reality of Loyola isn't always real, if that makes any sense, but for right now it is the only reality I have to cling to.

I'm happy. I'm kinda scared of being happy this time, though. I'm afraid of it falling apart like all the other brief times I've been happy in the past recently. I scared of being complacent and allowing my dieting and studying and exercising fall permanently by the wayside. I don't want to give up yet. I want to keep fighting. I don't know how to bounce back. I've fallen into this black hole in my life that I didn't expect, and I want to crawl out of it.

Something is eating at me and I don't know what it is. It makes me toss and turn and feel grumpy and I have no idea why!