here I am, writing after a great break at it. I've been busy writing a memo for a job I don't want. I can't seem to sleep at night, my hips are in tremendous pain. I think it's from arthritis. I really need to go to the doctor but I HATE going, it's so expensive even with insurance, and I hate the blood taking and the doubtful looks. It's one of those nights when I wish I had a friend around. All I an do is lay in bed, exhausted, thinking about how fat I am, how I'm going to fail the bar, how I'm lazy and spoiled and too self-indulgent. I hate when i'm like this. Those emotions serve no purpose and not all of them are true. I just want to relax... *sigh*

To DA and Scav, I'm sorry I haven't been on or around. today after dropping off my memo I came home and passed out. My hips hurt so much I couldn't sleep last night.. when I woke up I felt like butt. After dinner, I still felt like butt and I sat around watching Law and Order SVU and Jarrod playing Mario Kart.